In Loving Memory of Kelly Rene Smith

On the evening of June 20, 2012, a beautiful soul, Kelly Rene Smith, passed away after a valiant fight against an especially aggressive breast cancer. She was the light of my life and many others as she affected each and every one of us in her own special way. She was a vibrant spirit – with a genuine love for people and a passion to help those less fortunate than herself. She was surrounded by loved ones when she passed on and I know she is in a much better place – away from the pain and suffering that a cancer diagnosis and subsequent uphill/downhill battle can bring. She was one of the bravest, most courageous people I know. That courage, strength and intense love will always be with Zoey (her step-daughter) and I, as well as her mom, dad, sister, 2 sons and 3 grand babies. She is the very best thing that ever happened to me and I will sorely miss her.

Kind. Considerate. Radiant. Joyful. Always the life of the party, Kelly lit up every room she entered with her infectious smile and palpable energy. People always gravitated towards her generosity and positive spirit. If you were her friend, you could confide anything in her. She made every day feel special and more alive because she always lived her life to the fullest. Kelly cherished her family and hoped to one day travel the world. Her passport arrived less than a week before her passing. Her mother was her heart and her father was her knight in shining armor. She was a wonderfully devoted mother who leaves behind a lasting legacy in her sons and grandchildren. She wanted nothing more than to make people happy and to make her family proud. She accomplished that and so much more during her short lifetime. Kelly loved meeting new people. She had a wealth of friends from many walks of life, but was always looking to make more. She was sharp-tongued and quick-witted and used both to her advantage when doing some of the things she loved best like playing card and board games. Kelly was happiest surrounded by people, whether it was hosting a small party, taking a road trip, camping under the stars or taking a stroll along the lake, she was always ready to enjoy the good times with those she loved. She made everything an adventure, gave me some of the happiest years of my life and left us all wanting to live fuller lives in her honor.

Although she is gone she will never be forgotten. Rest in peace my love.

Radiation, radiation, radiation….

I haven’t been writing at all while going through my radiation treatments. At first it was because I was busy recovering from surgery, enjoying the attention of my parents while they were here to help me along and then the daily radiation treatments really wore me down. I went back to work. Started work around 7:30-7:45, off at 2:00pm, jump in the car, my Dad picked me up a lot of the time, race to the hospital and get zapped. Trudge through traffic to get out of the city and back home…plop on the couch and wonder if it was too early to go to bed.

At first the radiation didn’t bother me too much. I did start to get a little sore throat and was concerned about getting sick. After a while it didn’t go away so I mentioned it to my doctor who said everything looked normal. I let my radiation oncologist know about it and found out that since my esophagus is deviated due to my enlarged thyroid the radiation was hitting down deep in my throat and burning me a tad. After a while it was hard to swallow and I was given liquid Vicodin. Okay, that worked but I mostly drooled on myself when I took it…yeah, not going to work. I did finally get a lower dose pill form that I can function with. I did 25 treatments on four spots – my armpit, clavicle, over the (missing) breast area and my chest wall near my sternum.

A few days before the 25th radiation visit I mentioned how glad I was that I was almost done as the burns were getting pretty bad on my skin. Then they told me I actually was going to do 28 cycles…so okay, three more. Not sure why it changed, but okay. Let my boss know about it and went to the next three sessions. Then the oncologist tells me that I have five more “boost” treatments. I said okay, whatever it takes. I have to admit I ended up getting upset about it though. I was wondering why. Did something show on my last CT? Was it not working? What was going on? So I put in a call to my regular oncologist and let her know my concerns. Turns out it’s pretty much a normal procedure to do these boost treatments and it was mostly planned since the beginning. I guess someone just forgot to tell me. I have learned that I don’t like change very much these days. I’m almost always staying positive about all this as long as nothing changes…changes just freak me out. I did do some research on the boost treatments and liked what I read so I’m actually glad they did them.

I had my last radiation treatment Tuesday, December 21, 2011!

I’m having a little extra burning going on from the last treatments, but the other areas are healing up nicely. I figure in another few days the major burns should start healing up. I have an ultrasound of my Thyroid on December 30th, just to make sure it’s just big for the heck of it and I’m not having a problem. Then I follow up in one month with the radiation oncologist and in three months with my regular oncologist.

My mother, father, sister and I are doing a half marathon in February in Florida http://donate.breastcancermarathon.com/2012Marathon/thefarkelfamily . We are really excited about doing this together. It’s something my sister Della has been doing for a while now – I’m so glad to be here to be able to join her this time.

A stay in the hospital.

I started my new round of chemo on Thursday. No more “Red Devil”, now I’m on Taxol. I went for my normal visit ahead of time with Dr. Mauer and she let me know my CT scan came out good. I was a little disappointed as I wanted to hear her say how wonderful it was, however she’s a reserved oncologist and I guess they just don’t get too excited about these things. I however did have a chance to see my results and found them to be fantastic. The CT of my chest doesn’t even mention the spots on my chest wall that they had seen before. My tumor is way, way smaller and I feel very positive about the way my treatment is going. They did my normal labs before hand to make sure my blood was stable enough for the chemo and we headed back to the “Chemo Room”.

They drug you up pretty good before the infusion as Taxol tends to cause allergic reactions, so I ended up sleeping a lot through the three hour infusion. I didn’t have any hives this time and felt pretty good when we walked out. We stopped by and picked up my Neulasta injection from the specialty pharmacy and headed home. I think it was about an hour later that the power went out…uggg. It was 95 out, the sun was boiling eggs on the sidewalk and we had no power. I called the power company and was told they knew we had a problem and it would be two hours before they could get out there. It was a weird power outage as we had one overhead ceiling light that was working and the power in the hallway worked. My son lives one floor below me and his kitchen had power, so his refrigerator was working, giving us a place to take our food. I found a power outlet that worked in the hallway, ran a long extension cord down and at least got my little window unit air conditioner working. Every two hours I called the power company and it was always going to be another two hours. It never did come back on that night.

After chemo I’m supposed to be away from people as my white cell count drops leaving me open for infection. However my room was the only one with any air so everyone ended up sleeping in our room that night. I prayed I wouldn’t get some nasty infection from a cough or sneeze. The next morning I called again to let them know it was a medical imperative that they get someone out here, not only was a cancer patient here but an eight month old baby…we needed our power on. Some time after 4pm they arrived, did some work outside and then told us there was nothing else to do, it was a building problem. So then we started calling the building owner. I took my Neulasta shot like a good girl, ate several small meals and waited for the power to come on. They ended up getting it repaired sometime around 9pm Friday night. It was then my headache started.

It started as an annoying headache which I attributed to the heat and frustration. I took Tylenol and went to sleep. The headache woke me a few times during the night but I didn’t think too much about it until Saturday morning when the light started shining in the room and my eyes and head really started hurting. Of course these things happen on the weekend…always. I took more Tylenol, then after a few hours Advil. I took my temp and it was 100.6. You are supposed to call the doctor if your temp is over 100.5, but I gave it a little more time and a little more Tylenol and it started dropping. Then I got a terrible case of diarrhea which I thought could be the Taxol. I stayed in bed the rest of the weekend and tried not to take too much medicine and called Dr. Mauer first thing Monday morning as even walking was causing my head to pound and my eyes to ache. I really only wanted something a little stronger for the headache, but she sent me to the hospital…joy.

I was more prepared this time with my med list, my medical history list and a no you’re not going to touch my port attitude. They were quick, efficient and seemed very concerned. I had blood tests and a CT scan of my brain…the only part of me that hadn’t been scanned so far. Everything looked mostly okay, except my white cell count was high. They didn’t know if it was an infection or from the Neulasta shot so they admitted me. I was going to have an MRI a few more labs and a night on the oncology floor.

Now I have to say everyone was extremely nice, ever so professional and did everything possible to make me happy. I was starting to wonder if there was a flag on my chart because I had called the hospital to let them know about my last visit and how concerned some of the events had made me. I was treated very well. It was the next morning before I had my MRI as the ER was very busy that night with emergencies. They kept me comfortable with Morphine for the pain and Zofram for the nausea. They fed me and kept me hydrated. By Tuesday morning my headache wasn’t so bad and I had been examined by dozens of physicians, new and old and they each had their own idea what might be causing my headaches. They came to get me for my MRI. Now this was my first MRI of my brain and although I new it would be loud I had no idea how that would effect my headache. By the time I was done, about 45 mins in this banging machine with bright lights shining in your eyes I was in terrible pain. More morphine and zofram and I slept for a few hours.

Eventually I got my results and my MRI was normal, so it is either the Taxol, the Neulasta shot, or new onset migraines. They sent me home with a prescription for Imetrex after an EKG to make sure my heart could take it. I was very glad to see my bed and be at home. I’m happy to say my headache is gone today and my only issue is constipation from all that morphine…heh if it isn’t one thing it’s another.

I only have three more chemotherapy visits and then a few weeks off for good behavior and then my surgery. My wonderful sister is coming back to do chemo number 7 with me and my lovely parents are driving up to do the last one with me before driving me down to my sons graduation from Officer Training School. I’m feeling very positive and extremely lucky to have such a great support system in my family, friends, coworkers and my steadfast partner Telle. So many people do not have this kind of great support and love from so many people and I honestly feel this is what is going to push me over the top and lead me to a cancer free life.

I know my family worries about me with all these little events that keep happening and the wonderful thing about that is that I have someone there to worry about me. I love you all so very much and I have to say that all your support has made this cancer an actual blessing instead of a curse. I have never felt so loved, so cared about and so important. Thank you for being there for me, thank you from the very depth of my heart. No matter what happens in the end, I feel like the luckiest girl in the whole wide world!

SOB, ER Visit and Yay, I’m not pregnant!

The last several weeks have been a whirlwind of chemotherapy, dealing with the side effects, working and trying to continue somewhat of a normal life in between. I had such a nice week last week as my sister Della came to visit. She came to see me from Arizona on Sunday and stayed through Saturday. She wanted to experience my week with me from the good while my energy was up to the bad after chemo. We had such a great time going to the pier, the Shedd Aquarium, shopping at Macy’s downtown Chicago and fun stops at all kinds of restaurants to grab breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have the sweetest sister in the whole world and her sweetness truly shined while she was here. She made sure I wanted for nothing and kept me smiling the whole time. She took public transportation with me to work, just to see what my commute was like and kept herself busy during the day while I worked. We met up with my boss/friend Dr. Karam and had a late lunch the next day and everyone enjoyed her stories of adventure as a ranger in the Grand Canyon. It’s impossible to put into words how much her visit meant to me, suffice it to say she is a special person and deserves every good thing that could ever come her way. I love you Della!

Della and I showed up for my fourth chemotherapy, the last of the “Red Devil” on Thursday. My regular oncologist was on vacation so the other physicians were taking up the slack. So far my visits have always gone smoothly, since this one didn’t seem to be heading that direction I was even more grateful for my sisters positive attitude as she kept me smiling through the whole thing. Not only were they incredibly behind, the waiting room was under construction so they directed us to the hallway to wait. All the chairs were taken so we plopped ourselves on the floor. I’m pretty sure I was the youngest person there and I was feeling pretty good that day so we made a good time of it and chatted and giggled the whole time. When we finally got back to my chemo session things went pretty much as normal. Della is a Ranger as I said before so she deals with all kinds of crazy medical situations and was very interested in the whole procedure. I think my oncology nurse was even more interested in my sisters adventures. I had my usual hives, benedryl treatment and Della drove me home. I couldn’t have had a more perfect week. I was very sad to see her go home.

The next couple of days were a little harder than before, I was a little more tired and just felt pretty yucky. I’m off on Wednesdays so I ended up sleeping almost the whole day away. I got up on Thursday to  walk our dog and had an especially hard time making it around the block. After coming up the stairs to our apartment I pretty much collapsed on the bed with my heart beating like crazy. After a bit it calmed down and I finished getting ready for work. The walk to the car was harder by the moment and I started panting like a dog. I slept most of the drive to work and once there my coworker suggested I call  my oncologist. I talked to Barbara, my oncology nurse and she said it wasn’t normal for me to feel like this and to head over the the office. I worked until lunch and then Telle came to get me and drove me over the the office.

After getting into a room Barbara had me walk a few laps around the office to check my O2 sat, check my blood pressure and temperature. Dr Mauer came in and let me know again that it wasn’t normal for me to feel like this and I needed to have a CT to check for blood clots. To save me from having the test, then heading home, then calling me back for treatment they just sent me over the the ER to speed things up. I’m a medical assistant so this made perfect since to me. We walked over and got right in…I felt like things were going to be pretty smooth from there…ha.

We checked in at the ER, they took me right back to triage, plopped a mask on my face and put me in reverse isolation.Right away they came to give me a chest x-ray then a nurse come in to start an IV line. The nurse asked me if my port is deep or shallow. Now no one has ever asked me that before so I told her I had no idea. She was able to put the needle into my port but then started trying to draw blood from it with vaccutubes. Of course she couldn’t get any blood as there just isn’t enough vacuum in those tubes to draw from the port, but I figured she must know what she was doing. Then she wrote the wrong date on the the patch over my port so I started having doubts. I corrected her on the date and she drew blood from my arm instead. I’m a very easy blood draw so I was kind of surprised when she managed to hurt me with a butterfly needle. Again since I work in the field I try very hard to never complain and didn’t say anything. They moved me to a different, more isolated room as my neutrophils were extremely low (my infection fighting cells) and thus started my long night in the ER.

I didn’t know it was a full moon and I didn’t know July is the worst time to go to the ER in a teaching hospital as that is when all the new interns start their training. I was ignorant of why they just kind of left me in the room for hours on end. I finally had to push the “call nurse” button as I really needed to pee. They came in told me what to do and gave me a urine cup to additional tests. A young female doctor came in and I have to admit I thought she was a nurse because of her youth, but again I didn’t know about the July intern thing. She tells me I’m going to spend the night, have IV antibiotics and a CT. I asked about some Zofram for my nausea and they brought it and some potassium IV as that was very low as well. So two hours later after my potassium bags run out and I finished watching the “Bucket List” I send Telle home. No reason for us both to be uncomfortable.

Someone comes in to see if any guests want sandwiches, snacks or juice. I ask for water…they are going to ask my doctor. Another hour or so passes and a new nurse comes in. He checks my blood pressure and O2 sat and I ask for water. He will check to see and bring me ice chips, which didn’t happen. Another hour goes by and he comes back to ask for another urine sample. My pregnancy test came back inconclusive! LOL. I’m a 46 year old woman who had a partial hysterectomy at 21 (I have no uterus) I’ve been on chemotherapy for two months so my ovaries are pretty much dead and I’m a lesbian. Talk about immaculate conception. I tell him it will be hard to pee as I haven’t had any water for five hours and I didn’t even have and IV to keep me hydrated. He said he would check to see if I could have ice chips…grrr. An hour or so later Dr. Karam calls to ask what time visiting hours end and I let him know I’m still in the ER. He says he’ll be right over.

By now my throat is starting to hurt as I’m getting dehydrated, but again I figure they MUST know what they are doing. An orderly comes in and takes me down for my CT which takes all of ten minutes. Then back to my room to continue my thirst regiment. I’m starting to wonder if this is some new treatment…heh. Then Dr. Karam shows up with magazines, puzzles, pens and Werther’s candies…again I am very, very lucky to  have such wonderful people in my life. After another hour or so they come around with sandwiches for the guests and again and I ask for water…you guessed it, they’ll ask my doctor. After a bit this 12 year old comes in…heh ok maybe he was 17 and tells me he’s my doctor. They are waiting for my CT results he says and I ask him for water. He asks me if I’m PO or NPO. Lucky for me I know what this means, whether I can have anything by mouth or not. I’m thinking maybe HE should know this, but I tell him I don’t know but I’m really thirsty. They finally bring me a cup of water. Pure ecstasy going down my throat…it wasn’t nearly enough.

My son and his girlfriend came by and everyone kept me entertained, especially since they all had to wear masks..again…I am a lucky girl. Then this man comes in…he says he’s a assistant nurse manager and I’m thinking I’m going to get some answers. He says my doctor has called for my results and I should be in a room soon. Then he starts going over what reverse isolation means. Now I’ve been in reverse isolation for about 8 hours and he keeps going on and on about how he can’t touch me as he walks all around the room touching everything. He must have said either everyone has to wear and mask or I have to wear a mask at least 10 times. I’m like I got it. Then I ask him when I might go to a room. He asks me what my name is….WHAT. He didn’t even know who I was and he’s telling me my doctor is asking for results? Then he checks the computer and says no room has been requested. What a waste of hospital resources to pay this person. He knew nothing, gave me no information and came in a contaminated my whole room while telling me over and over he couldn’t touch me. I was starting to get annoyed. We all tried to joke about what was going on but it was becoming more difficult. Just when I didn’t think I could take it another minute my 12 year old doctor comes into the room…JOY!

So,  he tells me I don’t have a PE (pulmonary embolism/blood clot) then Dr. Karam lets him know he is my friend but he is also my primary care physician. I think a little color drained out of my 12 year old doctor’s face. He says he’s sorry for my long wait and Dr. Karam asks him about the CT results. The young doctor walks over to the computer and reads the radiology report word for word. The very good and exciting news is they didn’t see anything on my chest wall where before there were nodules before…no matter what else happened this night that really made my day. The chemo has been working, things are getting under control and although it’s early yet I really feel more hopeful. Then the young doctor says I can go home, there is no more medical treatment I need at the moment and I should see my oncologist in the morning.  It is now 11:30pm, I’m dehydrated, hungry and my ride went home hours ago when they told me I was staying overnight. Again Dr. Karam comes to the rescue and says he’ll be right back with the car. I figure it’ll be an hour or three before they get me signed out, but checking out is obviously a different matter. It took all of two minutes for a new nurse to come in with papers for me to sign to go home. She says okay, you are all set. Then I ask her if someone was going to take out the IV line that’s attacked to my port? She says okay, we normally leave them in three days, but I can do it. I smile and say thank you…keeping the vision of no spots on my chest wall in my mind and dreaming of all the water I will drink when I get home.

They never did tell me if I was pregnant…so you never know!

Hot flashes, hygiene and hair loss

Morning after 2nd chemo treatment, just out of the shower.

The second chemo treatment went much better. They were prepared ahead of time and premedicated me so only a few hives and no scary heart pains. I’ve been eating frequent small meals and that seems to have helped as well. Now the hot flashes have improved, at least they are further apart after starting 800mg of Vitamin E a day. The crazy hygiene schedule is funny getting used to. Wash your hands before and after doing pretty much anything. I’ve never been too crazy a lotion person, but now twice a day like clockwork, lotion everywhere. I have to say I’m enjoying the added massages from Telle.

The evening after my second chemo treatment was weird. My hair, or I guess scalp started hurting…like when you’ve had your hair up in ponytails or something all day and then you take it down and it aches. It was like that all over my scalp. I was highly irritated and couldn’t get comfortable with my head on my pillow. The hot flashes every 20 minutes or so came back as well. The next morning I climbed in the shower and as I shampooed my hair it was rolling down my back, shoulders and chest. It just kept sliding off with the shampoo. I have some thin patches as you can see here that I suppose will come out in the next day or two.

Thank goodness my son John talked me into heading over to a wig shop near by the day before. He kept encouraging me and we headed out. I kept trying on fun wigs, he kept looking for practical wigs and then the owner of the shop walked over and said “No, no, no…this is the one for you. Lightweight, a good color for me and easy to care for.” Sold John says and then even gets me a head to keep it on. Well it was perfect timing as my hair fell out the next morning…Thank you John!

Me in my new wiglet.

I proudly wore my wig to Telle’s football game and everyone said how nice I looked. Her team, “Raw Energy” even took up a collection for me, for necessitates. Thank you so much ladies, it is coming in very handy for my new styles I’m still coming up with for my head! Thank you, thank you, thank you. You lifted my spirits and improved my life, you are my heroes.

It’s harder than I thought.

 

 

 

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of tests, diagnosis and treatments. Working in the medical field and being someone that reads continually about all types of things, especially the ones effecting me, I was not planning on being surprised by my reactions to treatment of my breast cancer. I knew the terms, the side effects, when and what was going to happen, but somehow it did not prepare me one little bit. Perhaps it was the changing diagnosis, perhaps my sometimes too happy go lucky look at life, I guess I will never know. No matter the reason, I have found this is going to be a much harder journey than I thought.

The last several nights I wake every hour to hour and a half having a huge hot flash. My lips are continually tingling. I’m always nauseous and extremely tired. I really and truly feel terrible. Now my understanding is that these feelings are cumulative,  meaning to me that it’s only going to get worse. I woke this morning feeling so mad, angry, kicking myself for thinking I was strong enough to handle this like every other tough thing that has come along in my life before this. I mean people all over the world are having the same thing done and I don’t hear a bunch of whining about it. So what’s my issue? I woke feeling bad and decided I had to force myself to act alive so I would start feeling alive again. I dressed, took the dog for a walk, (big yellow gloves on my hands since I’m not supposed to pick up dog feces now) and just forced myself to walk around the block with Voldie. Well we did it and nothing terrible happened. So then I straightened up the kitchen a little and sliced strawberries for the strawberry shortcake I was making for my son John’s birthday today. As you know it ended up being an extremely hot day and I called my son John to come over and put in my window unit AC. I can’t even think about how I’d manage to sleep if I was hot and feeling this crappy. So after getting that all taken care of we walked down to the lake and sat under a tree for a little while and I breathed in the fresh air. I was tired, but it felt like a real tired…not a foggy tired the way I’ve been feeling the last few days. It felt good to actually feel tired from doing something instead of from just breathing.

I had to admit a few things to myself today and that too was harder than I thought. I have to admit I’m afraid, I’m very afraid that I’m not going to come through this like I originally thought. I’m afraid I won’t ever be the same person I was before. I’m afraid this will kill me. I’m afraid to die. That is something I never thought I would feel and I think accepting it is just what I need to start my next steps forward. When I woke this morning I was thinking this was just the first thing. I still have seven more chemo treatments. I still have surgery. I still have radiation and even then I may still have more chemo. How in the world will I make it through this? I pouted, cried, kicked a few things on the floor and then I put one foot in front of the other and walked out the door into the world.

I have metastatic invasive ductal carcinoma, I have breast cancer. I’m going through chemotherapy treatment with surgery and radiation to follow. It is going to be a long year with many battles and I’m going to have to tighten my belt and hold up my head and keep moving forward. I no longer think I’m a rock that can take whatever is thrown at me. I think I understand that I am just a woman who is fighting for her life. I have so many people on my side, pulling for me and giving me all kinds of positive energy that I need so very much. I have the ability to get this done and see it through, but I have to accept that there is the possibility that I won’t and be okay with that as well. I’m working on my health and working to fight this thing back, but I’m also going to work on my inner self. I am going to allow myself the bad days and enjoy the good days. I don’t know where all this is leading and I can only just go through the motions while I find out. This is my journey and it’s not going to be like his or hers or theirs, it’s going to be mine and what comes, will come.

Tomorrow is a new day and more steps for me. I will take them as I can and accept when I can’t. At least that is where I am at this moment. I have a loving family and I am so very blessed to have had the life I have had thus far. I am humbled and perhaps that will be my path into the future.

PET scan results and first chemo treatment.

We left out of the house and it was raining and dreary out, matching my mood to a T. We were running a tad behind and I truly hate being late to anything. There was not much traffic and we were right on time. First we went up to see Dr. Mauer and get my PET scan results. It’s for sure, I do have metastasis in several lymph nodes, and either a out of place lymph node or an outer portion of my right upper lung, just below the tumor. She said the only way to know for sure would be to take it out and she didn’t want to do that. So the plan for now is 7 more treatments with chemo, every 2 weeks. Then another PET scan and probably labs and echo’s and stuff in between. Then if things have gone right the mastectomy, then radiation to those spots they can’t get to, then possibly more chemo. It’s going to be a long road, but one I’m feeling better prepared for day by day. Talking to my family, friends and partner Telle keeps me in focus and on track.

While in to see Dr. Mauer I explained to her that I sometimes get hives for no particular reason, but normally under high stress or when something irritates my skin. I can write my name on my arm with my fingernail and a Kelly hive will appear…lol. Well they said no one ever gets hives so nothing to worry about. They brought in a bunch of medical supplies and I asked if they were for my brand new port. Why yes they are the nurse tells me. I quickly ask about the numbing cream I have recently heard about. We will be sending that home with you she says, for next time. But none for this time I ask – almost whining. No, sorry it has to be put on for a while before hand I guess. Anyway, she stuck the needle device into my chest and into the port. It stung, but it was more the pressure on the new port that still aches as they just cut open my chest and stuck it in there 2 days before. Over all not so bad at all. They draw blood out of the port for a pre-chemo lab test and then walk us back to the chemo area. There are several other people there having chemo treatment for several different reasons and again I was reminded how lucky I have actually been. I settle back in my comfy chair, turn the tv on and get ready to chat and play games on my phone with Telle.

The nurse comes in with the first part of the chemo. It’s in these ominous red vials. She inserts the first one and starts to inject. She asks if I’m having any unusual symptoms. I immediately felt a hot pressure under my breast bone and a unbelievable need to vomit. I sat up and asked for a bag or something and they brought in something for me. I coughed a few times and sat back. She asked if everything was okay and I said yes except for the tingling in my gums over my two front teeth…how very strange. Then the nurse puts my face in her hands and turns my head from side to side looking concerned. I thought she was looking at my red chin…I have rosacea and let her know that was common. She said no, that wasn’t what she was looking at. Hives were breaking out on my face. Then my stomach started itching and I looked down to see several more popping up.

Next thing I know there are machines hooked up all over me and she is asking if I can take benadryl. Yes I say, no problems ever. She brings in a huge vial of liquid IV benadryl and asks if I have a ride home. Telle is driving us I say, will it make me tir…….that’s all I got out. I was falling back onto a fluffy white cloud and drifting to fantasy land. I know I was trying to talk but I don’t know if anything was coming out. Some time later they brought me some soup and I was actually hunger so started eating. I fell back asleep part way through and Telle rescued me from burning my lap. Some time later Telle asks me who are you waving at Kelly. I’m like, I’m waving at Zoey here in my lap. I pry open my heavy eyes and come to the understanding that I am hallucinating. I covered up my face with a pillow and went back to sleep. They second bag of chemo stuff didn’t seem to bother me, but how could anything bother me when I was flying high on benadryl. By the time we were ready to leave I was still sloppy drunk and leaning on Telle to get out. We picked up my Neulasta injection at the specialty pharmacy and headed home so I could crawl into bed.

I took all my med with breakfast and lounged around most of the morning. They called from the hospital to remind me to take my Neulasta injection and just happened to mention that I would be having bone pain, chest, hips, knees etc..because it causes white cells to increase that come from bone marrow, so I would feel it. Take some Tylenol or Advil they told me…nice. Telle helped me with my shot and about 30 minutes later I got up to use the bathroom and my knees where very unhappy. A few Advil later I was good.

I took a small walk with my son John wanting to go down to the lake. I made it about half way and we stopped for hot cocoa and coffee. It was a little cool out but very nice to get the fresh air. I came home and enjoyed some more online time talking to my family and am looking forward to a long nights sleep. Crossing my fingers and taking my medications and so far only a tiny bit of nausea. Drinking water like it’s going out of style, I’m very, very thirsty. And of course peeing all the freaking time. One down, 7 to go. Should be a breeze!

Thanks for reading and sending me all your good thoughts. – Kelly